misery

i see her through the lcd screen
and she looks miserable
miserable to be back in the town
where mac and the very laptops
that hold us together
got its start

she gives me that smile
the one that's half cheesy to make me laugh
and full desperate
trying to convince me that she's okay
in this place
that reminds her of people in the world she must tolerate
but shouldn't have to

no one understands
how this place breaks her down
how it makes her feel less than
it breaks her
to be here
but she stays because she has to
because it will make her stronger
things that i do not understand
but she tries to tell me everyday

tell me that it would be too easy to stay home
that she needs to be away
even though she misses

the chill from the first embrace
with the Sandy water

the fried panko and red sauce
that envelops tyson chicken
at a mom and pop shop turned local franchise

the tall girl with a name meaning memory
the kind that hits you so hard
you feel it in your na'au

and the man who has loved her
since she was born
for everything she is
she wants to be just like him

she misses all this and more
but she has to leave
because she has to experience misery
to understand
what happiness feels like